Displaying all 4 Items for the Category: chemistry

Chemistry Jokes & Humor

The following is an actual question given on a chemistry mid-term:

Q: Is hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with proof.

Most of the student wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant answers. One student, however, wrote the following:

First we need to know how the mass of hell is changing in time. So, we need to know how the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I thinking that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell it will not leave. Therefore no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With the birth rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities.

(1)

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all souls break loose.

(2)

Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls In Hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Theresa Banyan during my freshmen year that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and this is why I am sure that Hell is exothermic.

This student got the only A

Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

What do dipoles say in passing? "Have you got a moment?"

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

Q: What is the dullest element?
A: Bohrium

Susan was in chemistry. Susan is no more, for what she thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY.

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."